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You still don't know how to use our Ouija Board? Okay then, here's a quick How-To-Instruction.
1. Buy the bsclly. Ouija Board. People might tell you it's a waste of money, but just have some fucking faith, it isn't!
2. Invite some friends over. Get in the mood with some dimmed lights, chocolate perfumed candles and a good bottle of german red wine.
3. Sit facing each other, knees touching if possible. Open your minds, not them legs.
4. Name one person as the medium who asks the questions. Forbidden topics: death, devils and Justin Bieber.
5. Place your friends' and your own index and middle fingers on the planchette firmly and focus on it like vultures.
6. Have the medium ask questions and UNKNOWINGLY move the planchette in a way that leads to the answers you want to hear (but do not be disappointed if Rita Ora does not love you the way you dreamed of).
7. DO NOT GET SCARED THIS IS ONLY YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND FUCKING WITH YOU.
8. Always, always close your sessions by moving the planchette to 'goodbye' or otherwise monsters will be able to use the portal you created to scare little children by knocking on the bottom side of their beds. That is a criminal act and you might go to jail for it.
WARNING: Figure 8 movements indicate you are dealing with the devil or a demon. Should you experience this sign, immediately shift to 'goodbye' flip the board over like a maniac and run around your house six times. Screaming.
Good Luck then!
